Delighting in Him

2011-05-12T15:10:00.000-04:00

The kids and I were goofing around this morning as I (in my pretend boo-hoo voice) cried that no one had made me a cake for my birthday yesterday.

Number three bolted into action, so as not to leave mom "upset". This is what he made...

Lightly toasted wheat bread with peanut butter ever-so-carefully globbed on the sides, cake sprinkles and white sugar dumped in the center, and decoratively topped with a stale marshmallow.

Do you think I ate it?

2011-02-14T07:12:00.002-05:00

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I AM the Lord your God,
The holy One of Israel, your Savior..." Isaiah 43:1b-3a

"Everyone who is called by My name,
Whom I have created for My glory;
I have formed him, yes, I have made him." Isaiah 43:7

For the one who is the Lord's there is no fear.

2011-01-29T07:54:00.007-05:00

Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
"My way is hidden from the Lord,
And my just claim is passed over by my God"?

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.

He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:27-31

But without faith, is is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

2011-01-20T06:39:00.003-05:00

But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:5-6

Jesus, Thank You.

quiet

2010-12-23T04:28:00.004-05:00

The near-death of this blog is evidence to a simple lack of my own words these days. There just doesn't seem to be much left to say. May the words which do manage to make it through the door of my mouth (or my fingertips) be honoring to the only One worth talking about--the One in whom my hope lies.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen, you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith--the salvation of your souls. I Peter 1:3-9

Don't let me lose my wonder

2010-09-02T07:08:00.003-04:00

And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight... Colossians 1:21-22

For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:21

If I can read these words and not be overwhelmed by a sense of thanksgiving and praise, then something is terribly wrong inside my soul.

God, don't let me ever lose my wonder.

Hatch

2010-05-22T09:21:00.004-04:00

What's been going on in the tree near my kitchen window:

Why isn't this getting easier?

2010-04-05T14:10:00.009-04:00

For the past several years, I've attempted to snap a picture of the kids before church on Resurrection Sunday. I was under the assumption that picture-taking would get easier as they grow older, but progress is desperately slow. I have one child whose eyes automatically go red and itchy as soon as anyone breaks out a camera, one child who can not smile and keep his eyes open at the same time, three children who have extreme difficulty coming up with a natural smile. Though they will probably never win any awards in the photegenic department, (nor their mother in the photography department) these are priceless to me:

2010

2009

2008

2007

2006

2010-02-11T10:18:00.002-05:00

The Lord knows when I'm in need of a good, old-fashioned belly laugh. Gabe and I had a lighthearted conversation this morning that went something like this:

While picking him up I tell him, "I'm not going to be able to do this much longer."

He giggles, "Why not?"

"Because you're not going to be this size forever, you know."

"Yes I am."

"No, you're growing. Pretty soon you'll be too big for me to pick up. How big do you think you'll be when you're 20?"

"This big." (referring to the same size he is now)

"No, you'll grow. When you're 20, you'll be big."

"No, I'm staying 5 forever."

Laughing, "No, silly. Pretty soon, you'll be grown up and probably get married. And hey, guess what I will be if you and your wife have children?"

Expecting that he understood that would make me a grandma, I was shocked when he shouted out (with an ornery smile),

"Dead!"

I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.

revelation

2009-12-16T07:41:00.004-05:00

"...These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

Therefore they are before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence.

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Revelation 7:14-17

I am amazed by the God who can wash garments in blood. I am amazed by the God who uses a Lamb to be our shepherd. He baffles me by His kindness in choosing to reveal Himself to a wretch like me.

I have been thoroughly blessed by the reading of His Word this year. I want to urge you, as the year approaches its end, to consider your life without His Word. The Creator of the Universe has chosen to reveal Himself to us. This fact by itself is incredible. The fact that many choose to pay so little attention to it--many "Christians"--is unfathomable. How else should we expect to know the God in whom we believe?

For many, many years, I was an extremely lazy Christian. I believed in Christ as my Savior. However, I am embarrassed to admit that I did not pursue Him as my Lord. I would give him this or that area of my life, but insisted on keeping lordship over other areas. How could I have known He was worthy to be Lord over my whole life when I did not spend time seeking Him through His Word?

He has been so merciful to me.

I am unspeakably thankful that God has given me a new love for His Word. In my understanding, this desire to read and study is not something you can muster up in your flesh. The desire is a gift, nothing else. If you do not have it, beg Him for it. He promises not to turn you away.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

Hope for Today

2009-12-11T07:01:00.001-05:00

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

O Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.
Psalm 130

I'm not sure where one is to find strength for today if not in the Lord. All other attempts to satisfy myself come up empty, void of hope. He is the One who satisfies me with His unfailing love.

Just brilliant

2009-11-07T15:49:00.010-05:00

Gabe brought home this cute little painted pumpkin from our homeschool co-op yesterday:

He brought it to the breakfast table this morning to admire while eating his cereal.

Erin, showing off her vast knowledge of Halloween/Fall decorations, looks at it thoughtfully and says, "Mom, we oughta carve a jack-ass!"

"Um, I think you mean 'jack-o-lantern', dear."

Dear, Sweet Innocence

2009-10-21T15:59:00.003-04:00

Hanging clothes outside today resulted in some ladybugs making their way inside the house along with the dried clothes. The following conversation resulted:

Erin: Are all ladybugs girls? (a fair question, I thought)

Me: No. If they were all girls, how would there ever be any more ladybugs?

Erin: Huh?

Me: It's just like people. You need a mommy and a daddy to make a baby.

Erin: So you mean God takes a rib from the mommy and a rib from the daddy and makes a baby?

Me: (giggling...) Well, not exactly. (...and quickly changing the subject.)

The Beauty of Homeschooling

2009-10-15T10:19:00.005-04:00

No one cares if you do your schoolwork in maroon pants, a red shirt, and a pink hat.

Hope in the Valley

2009-10-14T07:28:00.005-04:00

How I wish walking with the Lord meant a trouble-free life; a pain-free, easy walk through this world and into His arms!

Instead, He has arranged it that we journey through the valley, crawl through the valley, parched with thirst, and must continually, intentionally, keep holding out our empty cup and begging Him to fill it. This is not a romantic journey. It is a muddy trek through the valley of sweat and tears. The valley is deep and wide and wet and cold...and seems endless. We must rely on Him for the strength to go every inch. How often I beg Him to rescue me. Even though He already has.

You promise, O Lord, "blessed is the one who trusts in You".
Today, I choose again to believe You.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest
for herself where she may lay her young at your altars,
O Lord of hosts, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise!

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.

O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob!

Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed!
For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Psalm 84

Remember

2009-10-05T07:13:00.003-04:00

Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?

Then I said, "I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High."

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
Yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.

Psalm 77:8-14

2009-09-19T08:09:00.007-04:00

Are you wondering why life is unfulfilling? If you are trying everything you can think of to satisfy the longings inside yourself, I urge you to step inside His Word, for there, only there, will you find what your soul is longing for. The Lord has given us His Word as a gift; the revelation of Himself to us. If you do not open it and look for Him, you can not find Him, and your soul will be left hopelessly wanting.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:1-8

2009-08-13T15:46:00.002-04:00

Just pretend with me...

It's your 15th wedding anniversary and your husband comes home and tells you to come outside with him and look in the driveway. Oh, you're in suspense now, aren't you?

So you walk outside with him and he directs you to the back of his truck where there sits a very large box. It is a huge piece of exercise equipment.

Should you assume he's trying to tell you something?

Or should you assume he's the sweetest husband on earth?

I choose the latter. :)

My Provider

2009-08-06T11:18:00.013-04:00

We've had countless discussions with friends over the years regarding the toughness of maintaining financial stability, especially in a one-income household. In these questionable economic times, while some of our lives are being affected more than others, it is a question we all must ask; do we really trust in God to provide?

I think sometimes I get confused as to what His provision looks like. I often think "provision" means God providing enough money to keep us "afloat" enough to maintain our current lifestyle. Could it be possible that He may call us to live a simpler lifestyle? What if sometime in the future my vehicle dies, there is no money to repair it, and I am forced to stay home all day every day, while my husband takes our only vehicle to work? This would be a MAJOR life change for me, as I enjoy having the freedom to go places during the day. If this freedom were lost, would I still consider God to be my Provider?

What if times became so tough that we were forced to give up certain things we have come to know as "needs", such as the Internet, cell-phone service, etc. Would God still be my Provider? What if we couldn't even pay the electric bill, or the mortgage? What if, in fact, Matt were to lose his job, was unable to find work, unemployment ran out, and we were forced to turn our home over to the bank and move in with family? Would God still be my Provider? What if family was unable to take us in and we had to move into a shelter? Would God still be my Provider?

What if my husband, children, and I were starving? Literally. I know this is extreme, and we are prone to think that would never happen to us, but does God promise to protect us from these things? What about the believing mother in Africa who prays to the Living God for food for her child and proceeds to watch him starve to death? It is REAL. It happens. If it were me, would I still call God my Provider? Would I still praise Him for his goodness? Would the promise alone of eternity in His presence be enough?

By wondering these things, let me make it clear that I'm not asking for a test. :) I just wonder how deep my faith really runs. Do I find it so easy to praise Him only because life is relatively easy right now? For I have never even begun to experience life without basic needs. Whatever happens, only through the grace of God will my prayer remain...

(If) the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
(If) the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
(If) there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18

Letting go

2009-07-15T07:21:00.005-04:00

As Isaac has been away at camp this week for the first time, I am working on a new level of letting go. I thought it was a big deal, about 3 years ago, when I let him get out of the van, walk up the stairs to the second story of a building, and go into his piano lesson all by himself. I thought letting him out of my sight was going to kill me, and I prayed like mad that the Lord would protect him. I think he was 7 at the time, and it seems ridiculous now, but it has all been part of the process. I went through the same thing the first time we let him ride his bike on the street by himself; the first time he went across town to the park by himself (we're talking Gordon, here, folks); and the first time he stayed home by himself. Being home schoolers, we haven't had a whole lot of practice being apart, so it seems extra-strange to let him out of my sight for any length of time.

And yet...

I know we MUST go through this. A week away at camp is probably necessary as much for me as it is for him. I am not raising him, after all, to be by my side the rest of his life. I am raising him to let go of him. (That was hard to write.) I am raising him to be independent of me. I am raising him with the knowledge that the Lord is his Protector, not me. If I have ever had the presumption that I can do anything to protect him, it has always been a false sense of control on my part. The Lord is the One in control whether I'm around or not.

This has been the first time EVER, I have gone three full days without seeing or speaking to my son, and I have two days to go. I can not help but think of the things possibly to come: longer trips away with youth group, missions trips, etc., dropping him off at college, watching him drive away with his new wife after the wedding...Okay I'm not ready for that yet! But I guess I don't have to be--He's only 10!!

Lord, I trust You. Help me to trust You completely with the life of my son.

Show him your ways, O Lord,
teach him your paths;
guide him in your truth and teach him,
for you are God his Savior,
and his hope is in you all day long. Ps 25:4,5

I Give Up

2009-07-07T13:38:00.004-04:00

To some of you the following prayer, first written by Betty Stam, will be familiar. Oh, how I want this to be the sincere prayer of my heart in every moment. To me, praying this prayer is like the singing of the old hymn, I Surrender All; even as the words come across my lips, though I want to, I know I'm not there yet. I must remind myself daily, minute by minute, Who I'm living for...because I keep forgetting. Right at this moment, this may be the prayer of my heart, and five minutes from now I will catch myself trying to take back control and will need to release it to Him again.

I'm so thankful the Lord is patient.

Lord, I give up all my own purposes and plans,
all my own desires and hopes and ambitions,
and accept Thy will for my life.

I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee,
to be Thine forever.

I hand over to Thy keeping all my friendships,
all the people whom I love are to take second place in my heart.

Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.
Work out Thy whole will in my life,
at any cost, now and forever.

To me, to live is Christ.

He's got a point.

2009-07-02T19:32:00.002-04:00

Me: "Put the tape measure away."

Gabe: (of course) "Why?"

Me: "Because it has sharp edges and you could get cut. It's dangerous."

Gabe: "But I wanna get to Heaven faster."

Sanctification on the Bleachers

2009-06-21T21:37:00.011-04:00

This weekend was Isaac's first All-Star baseball Tournament of the year. We're in for a long summer.

I'm not sure if there exists a place where parents get more passionate about their kids than on the bleachers. The woman sitting behind me during our last game was particularly spirited. Or just plain obnoxious. She made it a point to loudly announce every error to the whole crowd and yell and scream as to what the player should have done differently. And apparently the using of God's name in vain about a dozen different times was supposed to encourage our boys to make smarter plays. I was just a bit angry.

Then she crossed the line.

Isaac made a bad decision on a play from 3rd and this woman decided she needed to let him know she noticed (and anyone else within a mile or so radius). Have I told you about Mother Bear? Because Mother Bear was just about to make an appearance. This woman was within smacking distance, you know. And OH, how I wanted to. I felt myself begin to go into out-of-body-mother-bear-mode, when I looked down and felt my friend, who was quietly sitting down on the bench in front of me, gently stroking my ankle, as if to say, "I know, Kati. It's okay. Let it go. It's not worth it." And somehow, the peace of God shut my mouth, and prevented me from venting the way my flesh really wanted to. I can not even tell you how close I came to making a scene. We are talking about my boy here, after all.

We ended up losing the game, placing a trophy-less 4th in the tournament. My easy-going son went to bed this evening with smile on his face, not bothered at all by the outcome. I'm sure not all the boys on the team went to bed so peacefully, as some are being taught by their parents that winning a baseball game is right up there with life and death.

It is frustrating to be surrounded by this. Yet, how would the Christian be sanctified if we were surrounded by perfect people? God kept my mouth shut this time. And my hands firmly folded (clenched) in my lap.Perhaps next time it will even extend into my heart, where my thoughts toward such belligerence will be more Christ-honoring.

We have only just begun. Our next month is absolutely jam packed with more regular season games and at least three more weekend tournaments. Much more opportunity to practice self-control as I am surrounded by others who seem to have none.

Lord, help!

2009-05-29T10:48:00.002-04:00

Up For Suggestions

2009-05-26T11:53:00.002-04:00

In lieu of the traditional family vacation, this year Matt and I are opting to take the kids on a couple day-trips, or perhaps even an over-nighter depending on the decided destination(s). I thought this would be a good place to ask for suggestions--Where are some favorite places (not terribly expensive places) you all have taken your families?

You've come a long way, baby!

2009-05-23T07:46:00.005-04:00

Only a couple short years ago, this child would not let medical personnel of any kind come within 10 feet of him without screaming his head off. Now look at my brave boy, courageously enduring his first dental appointment. Is this not the face of utter fearlessness?

**Note of apology to anyone whom I've previously made fun of for taking their camera to the dentist's office. :)

Quote of the Day

2009-05-17T15:23:00.004-04:00

Erin: "Mom, are people who don't like vegetables called meatatarians?"

long pause

"Mom, I'm a meatatarian."

Perks

2009-04-23T17:22:00.000-04:00

There are perks to this job after all.

After spending the last 72 hours "holding the bowl" for three children, cleaning up their messes when they missed the bowl, doing COUNTLESS loads of laundry, and going on little- to-no sleep while my husband, quarantined to the bedroom, suffered in his own misery, he came home today with a "thank-you-for-cleaning-up-puke-present".

I must say--I've got myself a good man.

Question of the Day

2009-04-13T21:02:00.000-04:00

What do you do when you are in the middle of brushing child #2's teeth, and you realize you are using child #3's toothbrush?

A. Stop immediately. Throw away the tainted toothbrush and finish brushing with the correct toothbrush.

B. Stop immediately. Put aside the tainted toothbrush and plan to boil it later, and finish brushing with the correct toothbrush.

C. Finish brushing with the wrong toothbrush and throw it away afterwards.

D. Finish brushing with the wrong toothbrush, rinse it out, and let the rightful owner of the toothbrush brush with it a few seconds later.

E. Other?

"Two Hands"

2009-04-13T08:15:00.000-04:00

You see, this is why I don't write songs; somebody else always finds a way to articulate my thoughts/feelings much better than I ever could. I heard this song for the first time over the weekend and ran home to look up the lyrics.

It's more than a little comforting to know I'm not the only one frustrated with the battle...

"Two Hands" by Jars of Clay

I've been living out of sanity
I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I'm a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We'll lose control

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it's coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
Lifted high
Lifted high

One Day, I will
unashamedly,
ever-so-confidently,
without restraint,
permanently,
have TWO HANDS lifted high.

Crunchy Towels and Other Random Items

2009-04-09T10:14:00.000-04:00

Welcome, April! Considering the fact that my mood often mirrors the weather, spring has never been more anticipated in this house. (When mama ain't happy...)

Along with spring comes the return of one of my favorite activities.

I've been accused of having some sort of sick love for hanging out clothes. In all honesty, I enjoy it more than I can explain, and certainly more than anyone should love a household "chore". It's not a chore to me, it is a delight. (It doesn't matter if you think I'm weird.) In His wisdom, God made provision for this by putting me with a husband who rarely complains about anything; he's never made even a peep about the crunchy towels which are stocked in the bathroom from April through October each year. Granted, they certainly don't feel as nice. In my opinion, however, the heavenly smell of laundry which has been dried outside more than makes up for its lack of softness. This goes for sheets too, and jeans (which are ultra-crunchy when line dried), and virtually everything else, except for whites. Even I draw the line at crunchy underwear.

When I explained my love for hanging out clothes to a friend awhile back, she gave it a try, even though she was less-than-excited about it. I soon received an urgent email. It was apparently a windy day; her unmentionables had ended up in the neighbor's yard, and she didn't know what to do. "Well, GO GET THEM!", I responded. My goodness! A good rule-of-thumb is that you don't hang out anything that would make you blush if your neighbor found it lying in his yard. We have dryers for a reason.

Onto other news:

I've been wondering how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Since winter, Matt has found his own joy in cutting wood. LOTS of wood. The original plan was to supplement our income by selling the wood. First problem--we don't exactly start turning a profit until the super-manly-top-of-the-line, "more power" chainsaw is paid off. Second problem--he needs to actually part with the wood in order to receive any cash for it.

Right now, as it has for weeks, it decorates our driveway, neatly stacked. (If he could only be so diligent about his dresser drawers.) It's my suspicion that he just enjoys looking at his "accomplishment" so much that he has yet to even advertise the fact that he has wood for sale. As for me, I'm thinking the wood stacked in our drive just makes us really fit into our surroundings here in southern Darke County.

Did I mention we have wood for sale?

One other thing to bring up today: It is rather eerie that people I haven't seen in years, people who I've run into here or there, have informed me that they've been reading my blog. May I just say, hopefully without offending anyone, that this is a little creepy. Not that I've talked to anyone in particular who's given me the creeps, but rather just the fact that people are "out there" reading and I don't know it.

(Secret silent blog-readers, now that I know you're out there, I dare you to leave a comment!)

Because of this, I've concluded that this blog will, from here on out, be only for pretty generic stuff. While certainly I haven't exactly spilled my guts in the past, I'm definitely not going to now. I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I don't really have any new thoughts anyways; nothing profound; nothing somebody else hasn't already said somewhere before. So, for now, I guess all I have to contribute to the public blogosphere is crunchy clothes and a pile of wood.

Their Words

2009-03-12T18:47:00.000-04:00

Asking children questions about their mother is revealing, to be sure. I was curious as to how they perceive me.

The first responses in the exact words of Isaac, age 10; Erin, age 6; and Gabriel, age 4:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
I: do the trash
E: go make your bed
G: don't lie

2. What makes mom happy?
I: picking you flowers
E: doing what you should
G: when I hug you

3. What makes mom sad?
I: when we disobey
E: not doing what you should
G: if I hit you

4. What makes mom laugh?
I: when grown-ups tell jokes
E: (censored)
G: when I give you a raspberry

5. What was your mom like as a child?
I: how should I know?
E: silly
G: I don't know

6. How old is your mom?
I: 32
E: 32
G: that's a hard one...

7. How tall is your mom?
I: 6 foot 3 inches
E: tall!
G: 45 inches

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
I: go shopping with friends
E: take a nap after church
G: hug me

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
I: goes on the computer
E: take a nap
G: walk

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
I: having the world's greatest 10-yr-old
E: us!
G: hugging

11. What is your mom really good at?
I: typing on the computer
E: writing
G: I don't know....games

12. What is your mom not very good at?
I: playing with legos
E: painting
G: basketball

13. What does your mom do for her job?
I: cleans the house
E: take care of us
G: just job

14. What is her favorite food?
I: pasta salad
E: things with onions that I don't like
G: vegetables

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
I: that she loves me
E: feeding us good food
G: getting my paint (I recently repainted his room.)

16.If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
I: Squidward
E: Dora
G: I don't know...an angel?

17. What do you and your mom do together?
I: talk
E: read
G: play a game

18. How are you and your mom the same?
I: we both have the same color eyes
E: same eyes
G: God made us

19. How are you and your mom different?
I: you like chocolate, I like Skittles
E: hair
G: I just said, God made us!

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
I: she disciplines me
E: by obeying her (huh?)
G: because God loves me

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
I: I know it's not the grocery...Myrtle Beach!
E: shopping
G: restaurants

Wonder what my children do all day?

2009-03-12T13:57:00.000-04:00

Here's an example:

The really odd thing is how much he seems to be enjoying himself.

Funraisin'

2009-03-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

Our neighbor kids came over selling peelers to help pay for church camp.

After handing over my ten dollars, I was extra-excited when I found out where I'll be getting a discount.

I'm sorry, but what happened to the good old-fashioned McDonald's peeler?

"Makin' Daddy pretty for the ball tonight."

2009-02-21T16:12:00.001-05:00

Mother Bear Returns

2009-02-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

I am LIVID.

Playboy is still after us with their postcards. Isaac was the one sent to fetch the mail this morning, thus introducing him to the world of porn. I am sick.

So, this time I made a phone call. My friendly operator seemed quite nonchalant regarding my concerns. I suppose they are well trained to handle such calls. I was disappointed, yet not surprised, that she was "unable" to tell me where Playboy secures the names for its mailing list. Well, at least she was able to wish me a "nice day" at the end of our conversation.

Am I insane to be this angry? I'm not unaware of the evils of the world we live in. I just don't want it in my house.

With all my ranting and raving this morning, I found myself wishing out loud that Jesus would come for us today. Happy to say, my son agreed with me.

You may not want to eat the soup at our house...

2009-02-18T16:57:00.000-05:00

GRACE

2009-02-16T07:41:00.000-05:00

As I laid in bed early this morning, unable to sleep, the Lord brought to my mind the reminder of what a privilege it is to be a recipient of His grace.

Last evening Matt and I attended "Vision Night" at our church. This was only our second year attending, and just as I was after our first time, I was so pleased to hear the heart of both the pastors and the people. What I love most about our church is what I believe to be an honest, humble, seeking after the TRUTH. I am so thankful to be part of a church where Christ is exalted! This is the first, the foremost, the ONLY purpose of our church! And I truly see that lived out in every ministry, in the lives and testimonies of our leadership, and in so many of the lives of the people!

I must make mention of something I noticed was missing from such a meeting which included open forum for comments, questions, and concerns regarding the ministry: discord. There simply wasn't any, PRAISE BE TO GOD! Only by an outpouring of God's grace could a group of wretched sinners lay themselves aside, come together as body of redeemed sinners and succeed in exalting Christ!

I can't think of a better name for a church: GRACE. (The one word really is all that's needed on the sign.) Nor could I think of a better name for the theme of my life: GRACE. I am humbly and even painfully aware of my unworthiness to be part of any church family, let alone one such as this. Even more so am I aware of my unworthiness to be called one of His own.

What to do...

2009-01-31T13:00:00.000-05:00

...if nature calls when you're in the middle of lunch.

True Friendship?

2009-01-30T07:30:00.001-05:00

I am convicted yet again of sinful attitudes and wrong motives in a certain area. *sigh*

Throughout my entire adult life I have struggled with the question of where and how others are to fit into my life; mainly concerning friendships. Clearly God calls us to have friends. The friendship of David and Jonathan is a good example. ...Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 1 Sam 18:1 Who doesn't want to have a friend like that? I will admit that I yearn for that kind of friendship. Though, my attitude in seeking friends has been the problem here; NOT the fact that God has not provided. Because, like everything else in life, my sinful nature has distorted God's original design for friendship as a way of glorifying Himself.

The world's conquest for friends is rooted in selfish desire; the desire to feel loved, wanted, included. We want to be adored by others; to be made much of. I have, being the sucker for sinful things that I am, bought into this.

God calls us to something much more noble than the world's definition of friendship. He calls us to live the "one-anothers":

Love~A new commandment I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. Jn 13:34 (Now, this one can't happen without the rest...)

Service~Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. Jn 13:14

Encouragement and Accountability~Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
Col 3:16

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up... 1 Thess 5:11

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Heb 3:13

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Heb 10:24

Suffering~Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Gal 6:2

Forgiveness~Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Eph 4:32

Prayer~Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed...James 5:16

I have wept several times while preparing this post because I've become so aware of my failure in these things. I have sought friends for what I could get instead of what I can give through Christ. I should be continually seeking out friends for the purpose of serving them. Instead, I have wasted years seeking friendships for what they could do for me. Forgive me, Father. I have been SO selfish. Give me wisdom in seeking friendships for YOUR glory; seeking out friends for the purpose of serving them, not to be served by them.

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. Gal 5:13

January 21, 1974

2009-01-21T07:38:00.000-05:00

35 years ago today:
(Bonus points if you can tell which one's my husband.)

If I had known him in the first grade, I'm sure I'd have found him quite irresistable.

And...the 17-yr-old boy I fell in love with:

Happy birthday, Love.

Mother Bear

2009-01-16T15:56:00.000-05:00

Grrrrrr.

Lucky for you, readers, that mother bear gave herself a few hours to cool down before posting. It wouldn't have been pretty immediately following the initial shock. It's still not pretty.

Our gracious postal carrier delivered our mail to our door this morning. (There was a package too big to fit in the mailbox.) Among the rest of the mail was a pornographic postcard from Playboy. Apparently they think our family might be interested in ordering their publication for the rock-bottom low price of a dollar an issue. (Or something like that.) If I can tastefully describe the postcard to you--three different shots of three different ladies, all very obviously silicone-enhanced, in very provocative positions, and, um, leaving very little to the imagination. IN MY MAIL!!!!! In a (very understated) word, I was OUTRAGED!!!

My first two thoughts were in the direction of 1)my husband and 2)my children. (Although I can't remember the order.) As if its not already blasted all over the Internet, blasted on billboards, blasted all over the workplace, my husband has to fight the stuff while looking through his own mail?? (Which, thankfully he didn't have to this time since I found it first.)

And...my CHILDREN!!! Oh my goodness, I almost always send one of the two older out to the mailbox for me!! But thankfully, today, it was brought to our door for us. I can not even tell you my disgust at the thought of trying to explain something like this to my 10 year old son or my 6 year old daughter. I know its out there everywhere, but am I too naive thinking I ought to be able to protect their innocence within the confines of my own home? Heck, I try my hardest to protect them from the soft porn on the racks of the Walmart checkout lane; sometimes using my whole body, arms and legs, and even a loaf of bread or a frozen pizza to try to cover certain magazines. So do you think I oughta just stand by and allow them to put full-fledged porn in my mailbox without my permission?

So, I wrote a letter. I prayed as I was writing it, asking God to give me wisdom, but at the same time hoping He'd allow me to sound as angry as I really was. I sent their postcard back with it, asking them to respect my effort to try to shield my family from their filth, and to remove us from their mailing list immediately.

I'm still angry. Is this my only method of action available? I told Matt that IF one of the children had actually been the one to get the mail today, I know I would've been angry enough to actually make a phone call. Which would have been ENTIRELY at odds with my natural tendency to avoid confrontation. But hey, when you're talking about my children.......grrrrr. Isn't it my duty to protect them with everything I have?

I have felt this mother bear surface a few times in the last ten years. The most recent memory was at an Applebees restaurant, where our family sat to try to enjoy a meal, as a group of loud, belligerent folks sat at the table next to us. The profanity eventually became so loud and so obnoxious, that I stood up, leaned over to their table, and requested in a firm voice that they STOP USING THAT LANGUAGE IMMEDIATELY in respect of others around them, especially the children. (I'm telling you this was like an out of body experience. The sort of thing where I didn't even realize I did it until I'd sat back down.) I chalk it up to the mother bear inside me. She's always in there, but it takes certain extreme circumstances to bring her out. (And the group apologized and was much quieter the rest of the time we were there.)

I'm just at a loss as to what to do with my anger. I wonder if anybody can tell me if this sort of thing is legal? I mean, there was no attempt to disguise anything. Can I take any action here?

And, last but not least, I feel this pressing urge to explain myself to our mail lady...

Worthy Reading/Watching

2009-01-10T12:30:00.000-05:00

Not really having anything noteworthy myself to blog about, I'll just pass on something today that touched me deeply. I know some of you have kept up on Angie Smith's blog (Bring the Rain). If you're at all aware of her story, make sure you check out her latest post, "The Mourning and the Dancing". The link is on my sidebar if you need it.

Speechless

2008-12-31T06:19:00.000-05:00

My words will be few here, because they wouldn't be adequate anyways.

Yesterday, December 30, 2008, I was given the privilege of witnessing the birth of Reed Franklin Deaton, son of Rod and Sara. He is simply beautiful; a masterpiece of the Creator.

I stand in awe of our God, the Mastermind of the entire process of pregnancy and birth and LIFE. He is truly brilliant; far beyond my understanding. The events of the day have filled me with the pressing desire to praise Him over and over. Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! To him be the glory forever! Amen!

Update...

2008-12-29T06:51:00.000-05:00

My sister-in-law's mother, Mandy Cover, passed away on Christmas Eve morning, at the age of 56. Yesterday we spent the afternoon at the funeral home, watching over the children as my brother and sis-in-law visited with family and friends. The "feel" of the day was a joyful one, as we know Mandy sees Jesus face-to-face today. She had loved and followed Him for many years. What a joy to explain to our children that she isn't residing in that shell of a body anymore...

*May I just make a request here: I'd like lots of children at my funeral. They accept death quite well and ask things like, "Why are people crying if she's with Jesus right now?" Also, they run around and make noise and just be themselves. They do well to lighten the mood at a funeral and put things in perspective.

Please pray for my sis-in-law, Angie. She is only 34 and now without both of her parents. I can't count how many times I heard her say yesterday, "I just never expected to be without my mom this early in life." (Her dad died when she was 19.) She is trusting in Christ to get her through, but it is hard.

Waiting on birth, waiting on death

2008-12-22T14:29:00.000-05:00

One of my dearest friends sits at home right now, waiting (as patiently as one possibly can) on the birth of her first baby. The plan is that she'll call me when she goes into labor and I'll be able to be with her and her husband as their baby is delivered. That's "our" plan, anyways. What an honor to be invited in on such an event! My heart flutters with nervous excitement every time the phone rings. It could be today, it could be several more days, only God knows.

While at this very moment, my brother and sister-in-law are at their home, waiting on her mother to die. She lays in a hospital bed in their home, cared for by her own daughter and Hospice nurses, as her body continues the process of shutting down. It hurts to watch people you love hurt. I cringe every time the phone rings. It could be today, it may be several more days, only God knows.

What a strange mix of emotions. What a strange space to be in; caught between a pending birth and a pending death. My comfort remains that my Lord holds all of His creation in the very palm of His hand.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die...He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a, 11a

I Got a Response!!

2008-12-17T07:19:00.000-05:00

Nearing the one-month mark since I sent my email to K Love regarding Point of Grace's song,"I Wish", I'd almost given up on getting a response. I was pleased to get something, and not-at-all surprised to get something like this:

Hi Kati,

Thanks for your for sharing your perspective with us about Point of Grace's new song. I have forwarded your message to Programming.

For our playlist, we are always looking for the right songs that share a great message. Some songs will draw more new listeners in and our hope is that they will listen longer and hear the message of God's love. If someone listens for just 15 minutes, they will hear about the Lord and His hope for life.

Artists like The Fray, Mat Kearney, Point of Grace, and more, are Christians that play mainstream music. We are excited about the platform God has called them to - being a light to country radio listeners, concertgoers, stage hands, and so many more in the music industry.

Here is an excerpt from an interview about their new album re-release:"We sing songs about life...relationships, and real things...but we are never going to leave our Christian music roots. It's why we do what we do."PointOfGrace

I hope this is helpful in understanding the heart behind the music. God bless you and your family,

Laurie Davidson
Correspondence Assistant to Programming
www.klove.com

*If you watch the video and hang in there till the end, you get the special *treat* of hearing "I Wish" performed!! OH, Yippee!!

Implying that this song is one that, "will draw more listeners in", seems absurd to me. If one is interested in country music, (since this song sounds no different to me, musically or lyrically, than a typical country song) then it seems one would be more apt to tune to the local country music station rather than K Love. Just my opinion.

Also, though I know it may be controversial, "Christians that play mainstream music" seems to me to be an oxymoron. If you're a Christian, why in the world would you be interested in playing mainstream music? I understand the arguments that people might be reached for Christ while hearing a song like this on a secular station--and I DON'T BUY IT! The power of the gospel is in the gospel itself, not a "positive message". No one has ever come to Christ by hearing just a positive message.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Cor 1:18

Well, I gave my two cents, and with that I'll let it rest. K Love will obviously choose to play what K Love chooses to play. I can't say I won't listen to the station anymore, for at times it's simply the only station I can get, depending on whether I'm at home or in my van. And for the most part, I think the music they play is good stuff, and I told them that in my original email. So all I can do now,(as we should all be doing at all times anyways) is listen with discretion, and flip the dial when necessary.

Taking Precautions...

2008-12-11T17:19:00.000-05:00

...because you never know when some bread dough is gonna fly out and hit you in the eye.

Isaac Matthew 12/6/98

2008-12-06T03:00:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are again with the last of the birthday tributes for the year. (I don't have to do this EVERY year, do I?)

My BABY is turning 10!! A short journey through our first ten years:

1 day old

4 months. I enjoyed him so much as a baby. I have thanked God many times that (even though I didn't fully appreciate it at the time) He chose to give me almost four years alone with my firstborn before the next baby arrived. I treasure those years we had together, just the two of us, on the long days while Daddy was at work.

Who can resist a cute picture on the pot? 18 months (And no, he wasn't potty-trained until a full year later. Must have been a first-time mom, trying to make it happen early.)

Age 2

Easter 2001, Age 2 1/2

Big brother at age 4

Age 6

Age 8. He has always loved to build. Rarely does a day go by when my kitchen counter is not taken over by building materials of some kind.

What can I say? Maybe a little practice on oral hygiene is needed......The child takes after his father; loves to be the life of the party, the center of attention, loves to make people laugh, and to play practical jokes! (Though we're still trying to teach him how to TAKE a joke!)

Isaac finished his fourth year of baseball this summer and has improved a lot! He is looking forward (hopefully) to playing the infield next summer. It has been good for him to experience being part of a team. I am thankful that God seems to have given him a pretty easy-going spirit when it comes to sports. Don't get me wrong, he likes to win as much as anybody, but also accepts losing quite well. As we've watched many of his teammates stomp off the field angrily after a loss, Isaac brushes it off, skips back to the van and simply wants to know where we're going for ice cream!

This summer he took up skateboarding....sort of. He discovered soon after getting his skateboard home that it looks a lot easier on TV!!

Over the years we've gone through a Thomas the Train phase, a Hotwheels phase, and others. Now he's into Transformers. He loves to build, take apart, and rebuild; anything he can do with his hands.

One of his most recent Lego creations; there have been many castles, houses, churches, airports, and so on. He also enjoys his erector set and creating just about anything he can think of!

His most recent "original"; a pirate ship he named "Killer". Give the boy a roll of duct tape, some straws, pieces of wood or other little random trinkets, and he can make a "masterpiece" out of it! This creating will often occupy him for literally hours during the day. (And you thought he spent his days "home schooling"! HA!) Anyways, "Killer" decorated the top of my refrigerator for quite some time before I decided it no longer fit my decor and it was moved back to his room! I am so glad for Isaac's creativity! And for this I get NO credit--it is simply a gift from God! (Just ask me about my ability to "create" anything!)

This past week was a first; Isaac went deer hunting with his dad and got to experience the "fun" of sleeping in a rough cabin in the woods, sitting perfectly still for hours at a time, (in sub-freezing temperatures), while waiting for the shot-of-a-lifetime to come walking past. Although Isaac didn't get to shoot anything, he did get to witness Matt shoot a beautiful 10-point buck. Isaac had a great time, and I was so thankful for the opportunity for him and Matt to spend the time alone together. A glimpse of the experience:

The Holiday Inn for hunters

(Looks like fun, ey?)

This entire last year has been one full of growth. One of my favorite things to do these days is to just sit and talk with my son. It is amazing how he is learning to understand life; able to comprehend things I don't think I understood at his age. My prayer daily for him is that He would fall in love with his Savior. Isaac understands who Jesus is and knows quite a bit about the Bible. And though he hasn't made a decision yet to follow Christ, He does talk positively about the Lord. He's full of questions and we talk often about his need for Jesus. We've made it clear to him that following Jesus does not mean an easy life. This concerns him a bit. :) Though we tell him it certainly does mean a good life. I am confident that the Lord will one day capture his heart. (Jesus, SOON please.) Would you say a prayer on Isaac's behalf today?

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of this child. Happy birthday, my son.

Now That's a Good Present

2008-12-04T17:46:00.000-05:00

The kids and I spent the afternoon decorating the tree.

You guessed it; then I spent some time re-decorating the tree.

A little while later I noticed an obnoxious white paper laying in amongst the branches. I reached out to remove it. Upon reading it, however, I decided it needs to stay on the tree this year.

Storybook parenting here, folks. I am one proud mama.

"Christian" Music

2008-11-18T12:53:00.000-05:00

As I was driving today listening to K Love, a song came on that sounded eerily like one I might hear on a secular country station. Honestly, I checked the dial on my radio two or three times and fiddled with it quite a bit, while trying to figure out how it had gotten switched. It hadn't been switched after all, but I wasn't convinced until the song finally ended and the K Love announcer came on again. It made me so furious I immediately came home, looked up the lyrics online, and then sent an email to K Love requesting that they take another look at the lyrics and decide whether or not the song is worthy of Christian radio air-time. In my opinion, a song that only casually mentions God, Jesus, or "someone up there" doesn't do justice to our Savior. With all the awesome, God-glorifying songs out there today, do you think they ought to waste airwaves playing THIS?

"I Wish" by Point of Grace

I wish I didn't feel so helpless
I wish I didn't act so selfish
I wish I didn't wring my hands night and day
My hair was a little bit smoother
My jeans fit a little bit looser
And I always knew the right things to say
And I wish I wouldn't hide what's been going on inside
And I wish you wouldn't get scared and run away

Chorus
I wish I was doing better
With all the things that matter,
I guess I got some learning to do
I wish everyone had someone
To hold em and to love em
The way I'm always gonna love you
I wish wishes came true

I wish there was a cure for cancer
I wish somebody had an answer
And all God's children never got hurt
I wish Eve never bit that apple
Young men never went to battle
And I didn't get so mad at the world
I wish I was more like Jesus
And could pick up all the pieces
And make a better life for my baby girl

Chorus

For everything I am wishing
I know someone up there is listening
So I say my prayers when I go to bed
Ahh, ahh, ahh
Oh pray my wishes come true

Chorus

I know wishes come true
I wish, I wish

For whatever my opinion's worth, SHAME ON YOU, Point of Grace, for stooping to a new low! (I had already boycotted them after "How You Live", but this is getting ridiculous!)

And shame on K Love, for playing this garbage.

I'll let you know if/when I get a response to my email.

The JOY of fall

2008-11-07T07:08:00.000-05:00

While visiting friends earlier this week, I noticed my children practically salivating with desire over the piles of leaves in their yard. So, while at home yesterday, I let them "borrow" some leaves from our neighbor (since we don't have trees mature enough to produce a good amount of leaves) to enjoy what will most likely be our last day of Indian summer.

It is a good reminder for this too-serious-grown-up to enjoy the simple God-given gifts.

a

Erin Nichole 10/31/02

2008-10-31T06:00:00.000-04:00

By three months, we were beginning to wonder if there was some Sumo Wrestler in our bloodline.

One of my favorite pictures ever--around 9 months.

1 year

About 21 months

Erin didn't think it was so fun "being pregnant" either. (Mommy was very pregnant at the time.)

2 years. This was my favorite age. Yes, really!! She was as fun a two-year-old as I could have asked for! Obedient, happy, healthy--and hadn't developed an attitude yet!

On her third birthday.

Taken before her first "date" with daddy. Age 4

With cousin, Sadie. Erin is totally "in her element" in dress-up clothes. It is no exeggeration to say she spends as much, if not more, time in dress-ups than in her regular clothes. She is a girly girl, a princess at heart.

She can also hold her own playing with the boys. She's had to compromise at times and play cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, and such--since the boys aren't always willing to play princesses with her.

She is an absolute mother hen to her little brother. She takes care of him, literally leads him around the house sometimes, entertains him with tea parties, reads books to him, babies him when he's hurt, and above all, takes her responsibility of super-tattle-tale-big-sister VERY seriously!

I loved having her hair long, for a time. Any of you who know me, though, know that I am anything but high-maintenance. The long hair required too much attention on my part and most of it came off this summer.

I simply love this little girl. When at times I feel completely overwhelmed and incapable as a mother, she will come up to me, wrap her arms around my legs, and tell me how she loves me!! She can be so sweet at times that I feel like I just want to eat her up! She can also be extremely over-dramatic, oh-so emotional, whiniest of the whiny, and irritatingly habitual. (She spends literally 10 minutes at bedtime each night arranging her boatload of animals and dolls on her bed in JUST the right way.) She is overall very obedient, compliant, and sensible. However sometimes she surprises me with a lapse in judgment. (You all remember a certain hair-cutting incident not so long ago!) I suppose without these incidents, I might tend to favor her over the boys. So I guess God allows her just enough senselessness to prevent that!

I have thanked God many times that He chose to give us only one girl. For one, I'm not sure I could handle any more emotion in the house. But also, I love that she's my only one because it's almost like we have a little secret "girl-bond", just the two of us. Sometimes we just understand each other--when all the boys can do is look at us and roll their eyes.

Happy birthday, my sweet girl!

Elders at the North Pole?

2008-10-23T17:42:00.000-04:00

As we were in the van this afternoon, headed to Dollar Tree with the mission of shopping to fill shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child, I was only vaguely aware of the conversation going on between my three children in the backseat. I caught just bits and pieces of some discussion on Christmas, the North Pole, and whether or not children actually live there. Then Erin said something that got my attention:

"I know what an elder is", she said, in typical know-it-all fashion.

I was quite impressed that she had apparently been listening to the recent discussions Matt and I have had regarding church elders.

Then she went on, "They're the short guys who live at the North Pole....."

Sad Reality

2008-10-17T08:41:00.000-04:00

Today I sat my oldest son down and explained to him one of the sad realities of the world we live in: abortion.

As we've been driving around lately he's noticed the different political signs posted in yards and has started asking questions: "Who is McCain?", "Who's Obama?", "Why does it matter who's President?" His questions have given me opportunity to explain to him some important matters.

I'll make a confession here. I'm one of those one-issue voters. I don't follow politics closely. I don't care a great deal about the matters of the economy, national security and defense, or education. I know I should care more about these things. It's just not where my heart is right now. However, I can not NOT care about a candidate's position on abortion. It's just imprinted on my heart; I can not support a candidate who does not value God's gift of human life. Regardless of whether or not a candidate's elected position would make decisions directly in the area of abortion, I can not and will never intentionally cast my vote for someone who calls themselves "pro-choice". To me, it just says something about one's character; something that MATTERS to me.

So, when Isaac has asked me WHY we need to pray that John McCain gets elected, I had to first explain to him the terrible reality of what abortion is. In a word, he was SHOCKED. "WHAT?????" "How could someone do THAT?" So I explained to him the "reasons" that lead some people to do "that", like pregnancy out of wedlock, and the fact that sometimes women just don't want to be pregnant. And as it came out of my mouth, it just broke my heart again to realize the state of our fallen world.

I know God is in control. I know he ALREADY knows the outcome of this election. I will not fear, even if Obama should win. But I must admit, I pray often that Jesus might return for us soon before things get any worse.

And yet another use for duct tape.........

2008-10-12T18:08:00.000-04:00

Dads can really be quite ingenious sometimes. We've been trying forever to get Gabe to stop picking his nose. While I was gone this weekend, Matt came up with a solution.

Gabriel Benjamin 10/04/04

2008-10-04T08:00:00.000-04:00

Four years ago today God gave us an unexpected little blue bundle. "Unexpected", because he was the only of our children we didn't "plan". Although there was not a moment when he wasn't "wanted". I loved him from the moment I knew about him. "Unexpected", also, because he was the only of our children who wasn't born healthy. Since most of my readers (I think I have a huge following of...........eight?) didn't know us back in the day, I'm posting a few pictures below to let you in on some of what you've missed of our Gabe.

Although by far the easiest labor and delivery of my three, that's where "easy" ended with Gabe, as it seems since then everything else has been harder, beginning shortly after birth. Then during his entire first year we had him in and out of the doc's office with all kinds of respiratory problems. To top it all off, he decided at about 6 months that a bottle nipple was his enemy, so until he was weaned he and I spent very little time apart.

His temperament is, well, PASSIONATE. (It's his birthday so I'll put a positive spin on it! :) When he's happy, he's ECSTATIC!! When he's angry, he is LIVID MAD! When he wants to be alone, by all means, LEAVE THE CHILD ALONE! But when he wants to cuddle, he is a TOTAL MUSH! One day, (I am sure of it) God will use this passion for His glory! We are so thankful for Gabe. And for as much as this road has been a challenge, all the more has it been a joy. (Listen to me talking like he's turning 18 or something!)

We spent Gabe's first five days of life at Children's in Dayton. Shortly after he was born at Wayne, his breathing became very labored and they feared pneumonia. It turned out his lungs were just slightly immature. ( Born at 38 weeks, this was a bit of a mystery?) But the experience, especially in the first 24 hours of "not knowing", surely taught us something about putting our baby in His hands. It was a hard time.

At about 4 weeks. We're so glad he's since grown into his nostrils.

At about 7 months.

Absolutely, positively, nothing sweeter.

Sometimes it's a joy when they tug at your pants.

Other times, not so much.

At age 2, we tried everything to keep the child out of stuff.

What's strange here is that Gabe doesn't yet know how to write letters. HMMMM?

The big accomplishment of this summer was Gabe's learning to ride his bike without training wheels!! But do you think I have a picture of him on the bike? Well, a picture of him wearing his helmet on the toilet is just as good, right?

I absolutely LOVE his smile!!! Happy birthday, my Gaby Baby!

Psalm 37:4

2008-10-01T17:26:00.004-04:00

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I've tried and tried to "sum myself up" in a word or two--a blog title that would describe "ME". Frankly, I've had a bit of trouble keeping it short. I ended up with paragraphs; nothing resembling a short phrase which would be appropriate for a blog title.

So, I'm changing directions. Your suggestions were all good ones--many cute, profound, clever, and all appreciated. If nothing else, they got me thinking, "Who am I and what do I want to be known for?"

I've chosen Psalm 37:4 as a focus because, for me, it answers "THE" question. My life has been a struggle to find what satisfies. I have known Jesus for many years, but only recently have I recognized my ongoing battle with sin as the misdirected attempt to satisfy my own soul longing for still more of Him. The Jesus Storybook Bible sums up the condition beautifully, "And though they would forget him, and run from him, deep in their hearts, God's children would miss him always, and long for him--lost children yearning for their home."

It is a pet peeve of mine when Christians reference worldly movies to make a point. So having admitted that, I'm going to break my own rule now to make a point. :) Do you remember the "You complete me" scene in Jerry Maguire? If you've seen the movie, YOU REMEMBER. As sappy and romantic as the scene is, you know women love that stuff and it brings to the surface the deep longings of the human heart. I want to be "complete". But as much as I'd like to be able to tell my husband, in my deep romantic voice, "You complete me", it's not true; nor do my children complete me; nor a job or a home or a position; nor any other relationship. While it's true that my husband, my children, and other Godly relationships are truly blessings straight from the Lord, they are not and will never be ENOUGH to satisfy my soul. God knows I've wasted much time searching the wrong places, trying to feel "complete". All along, He has been whispering in my ear, "I AM your completion." "I AM your satisfaction." "The desire, the longing in you that you are trying so hard to fill is......ME."

When I truly find my delight in Him, every desire and longing of my heart will be satisfied. This brings me GREAT JOY as I wait for my glorification. Because truly, as long as I live here on this earth, in this fallen body, I know I won't fully be satisfied in Him. But, He faithfully continues to work on me. And one day He will release me from this frustrating life and allow me to experience the REWARD at last! SATISFACTION in every sense of the word; Eternity in the presence of my One True Love.

Until then I must work, (and often it truly is work) to delight in Him and Him only. So, look above at my new blog title. Honestly, when I asked for suggestions, I wasn't expecting it to be this big of deal. But whether or not it's catchy or clever doesn't really matter. It is my life's goal--to spend every minute "Delighting in Him".

suggestions?

2008-09-30T16:51:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to rename this blog pretty much since I started it. I am so incredibly uncreative. I'd gladly consider any suggestions..............

Heart of Flesh

2008-09-22T10:25:00.000-04:00

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

Do you realize how UTTERLY HOPELESS I would be without this promise? It is God Himself who has given me the capacity to love Him. This fact should eliminate pride at it's core. Without His intervention I am left with a hopeless heart of stone--depravity, darkness, death. I don't understand why he would choose to rescue this wretch. I am, I will be, endlessly GRATEFUL.

Notice Anything Odd?

2008-08-26T18:40:00.000-04:00

Okay, okay, maybe I talked it up a little bit too much before I let you all in on it. As mothers, though, I'm sure most of you understand the frustration of this. Thankfully, no chicken pox here, but I first noticed something odd when I sat down to do Erin's hair yesterday. It appeared to me as this huge chunk of hair chopped off and sticking straight up in the air. My initial reaction to her was not overly angry or violent, as I was just struck with all-out SHOCK and DISBELIEF. My ERIN did this? My compliant, obedient, cooperative child? The one child of my three whom I would have LEAST expected to act so impulsively?

I calmly asked her when she did it. "A couple days ago."

"Were you alone when you did it?" "Yes."

"Erin, WHY did you do it?" "There was a poof in my hair and I couldn't get it to go down."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"A POOF?" "So, THIS is better than a POOF????"

At this point, I expected her to start crying, but she never did. In the last couple of days, before I noticed what she'd done, she must have had time to come to terms with her new "do", because it didn't seem to take her by surprise how bad it looked or how upset I was. I was almost HOPING for tears, so I would know she understood the seriousness of it. But she really didn't seem too upset by the whole thing.

It was a different story with ME, though. For the next few hours all I could manage to do was STARE at the thing--this ugly, rude, obnoxious tuft of hair "ruining" my perfect little daughter. (You don't have to tell me what's wrong with this. I already know. I'm just explaining to you my thought process at the time.) I was REALLY angry for several hours. As the Lord always does, though, He began to place thoughts in my head to put things in the proper perspective. Specifically, giving me thoughts of things that would be WORSE than this. And there were LOTS.

By last evening, I had moved past the anger and reached the "acceptance" phase. Erin must have decided it was "safe" to ask the question she'd probably been thinking about all day. She looked me straight in the eyes and asked,

"Mommy, do you still love me?"

"What do you think?," I said with a grin.

She smiled, then she LAUGHED, then went about on her merry way.

Console me, PLEASE!!!!

2008-08-26T15:55:00.002-04:00

What can you imagine would be the worst possible thing that could happen to your child's appearance only a mere week before church directory pictures are due to be taken? Use your imagination......get creative.......and maybe your off-the-wall ideas will make me feel better about the new appearance of my "beautiful" little daughter.

Property of....

2008-08-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

I just couldn't resist after hearing the sermon today.

"Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name." Revelation 3:12

There is absolutely no greater honor, no greater joy, than to have His name written on me.

14 Years Ago Today................

2008-08-13T06:31:00.000-04:00

.........the two kids you see before you were linked for life in the bond called marriage. At 18 and 20, we had NO IDEA what we were in for. Looking back at this picture, I am truly amazed at all that's happened in the past 14 years. First of all, I feel too young to be able to say I've been married that long. And I honestly can not believe how much God has changed us during this time. I am not the same person I was in that picture. Neither is Matt. Since the fateful wedding day all those years ago, God has been gracious enough to allow us to experience so much......

We have experienced the ecstasy of being young and married and crazy about each other.

We have experienced the reality of adjusting to life once "the honeymoon was over".

We have experienced the adventure of building a house together.

We have experienced the challenges of combining two separate backgrounds, full of differences in personalities, ideas, habits, and traditions, and out of that, building a single life and home together.

We have shared in the wonder, joy, and all-out fear that comes with being parents.

We have experienced the weariness of sleepless nights, crying babies, puking children, and trips to the ER.

We have experienced what it means to put our children in God's hands.

We have experienced rock-bottom together.

We have experienced healing together.

We have learned to trust God together.

We have learned that love is not a feeling.

We have both learned that each of us is married to a sinner.

We have learned to forgive.

We have learned what it means to stay married because God says it's right, not because we feel like it.

We have been pleasantly surprised to find out that, even after three children, all the activity of life, and all that we've been through, when we are alone together we still genuinely like each other.

We have experienced the awe of knowing we are among God's chosen.

We have learned to accept the fact that we are both individual works in progress, and that our marriage is a work in progress.

Fourteen years ago I was under the assumption that the purpose of marriage was to bring us happiness. God has used these years to teach me the Truth--that the purpose of marriage is to transform us both into the image of Christ, to exalt Him in everything we do, and to give us a glimpse of the Profound Mystery--Christ's love for His Church.

I am grateful He's opened my eyes to the Truth. May God give us the grace to stand firm as He finishes this work.

The Long Awaited Romantic Getaway

2008-07-19T03:17:00.000-04:00

The mere arrival itself to a vacation destination is no small miracle for Matt and I. Last Sunday morning we packed up life, dropped off the dog and the kids, and drove to Indy to catch a plane to Tampa, Florida. Then, the real challenge--drove about 50 miles in a completely unfamiliar area to our hotel in Sarasota. Here's where the miracle comes in--Matt and I have a history of getting lost in unknown territory. We have a reputation for turning what should be a 1 hour trip into a 2 or 2 1/2 hour trip. The stress this produces is significant and we usually leave the vehicle extremly frustrated with each other. Somehow, with God's help, we found our hotel about 2 hours after leaving the airport--with a big dose of reality--that this *romantic getaway* was going to take some WORK on both of our parts. It takes WORK not to let small frustrations and irritations with each other ruin your time together. With his laidback personality--I think it takes less work for Matt. With my uptight personality--it takes a lot of intentional determination to LET GO of the unimportant irritations and just enjoy myself and enjoy time with my husband. What better an opportunity for God to sanctify me than on vacation!!

The BIGGIE area for this trip--MONEY!! Matt planned this trip. His one contingency in doing the planning--that I didn't complain about the money he spent!!! You see, Matt is very LAID BACK regarding spending money. I'm NOT. So I had agreed (gulp) to not complain about how much he spent on the trip. This meant letting him make all the arrangements, deciding how much we would spend on everything. It made me a bit nervous, but I know its a way God wants to show me how to LET GO of control in that area of our marriage. My first "test" came on the drive to our hotel when I discovered a purchase that he had made (around $100) that I deemed "completely unnecessary"!! When I found out about it, I sat in the car and sulked for about 15 minutes before I finally released the bitterness to God and LET GO of it. Seriously, these are the things Satan uses to try to ruin us. I was--I AM--determined not to let that nasty monster steal my joy! Especially on this trip, which Matt had worked so hard to plan.

Now that I've given you a little background, let me say that my husband did an AWESOME job of planning this trip! Thanks to Uncle Sam and his Economic Stimulus, we had the money to take this trip, and Matt didn't have trouble spending every penny of it! He arranged for us to stay at the Ritz-Carlton in Sarasota. This place totally lived up to the Ritz's reputation! I must say I felt a little uncomfortable at first being waited on the way these people do. I have never seen such service! At many places you feel like an employee is very irritated that he has to wait on you. Not here! These people made you feel like it was their absolute pleasure to make sure we had everything we needed and were comfortable. If you're ever in Sarasota with money to burn--I'd recommend staying here!!

I know pictures don't do justice, but here are a few anyways.

Our room looked exactly like this whenever we came back from somewhere--no matter how messy it was when we left it!

The view from our balcony.

The pool and access to the beach was located at the Ritz Carlton's Private Beach Club, a few miles away from our hotel. Shuttle service was provided to get us there everyday.

At the beach and the pool we were waited upon with the same great service. They brought us ice water every hour or so and of course one could order from the drink menu--which Matt did several times, while I (the cheap one) happily sipped my ice water. (Note sunburn in this picture)

Most of the pictures we have of the two of us together involve severe neck strain on my part as I held the camera out. I think this picture is funny because of the color difference of our skin. What can I say--I'm fortunate that the sun turns me BROWN! My dear husband only turns RED!

The view from my eyes for two glorious days. (The third day it poured rain most of the day.) I will say that experiencing God's magnificent ocean is one of my top 3 pleasures on this planet!

Wednesday evening the rain cleared for a little while and we walked around the marina and enjoyed the gorgeous sunset.

A kind stranger agreed to take this picture for us. It's the only one we have of the two of us together without my neck strained!

While we had two WONDERFUL days on the beach in the gorgeous Florida sunshine, on our final full day we had to get more creative and find other things to do, as apparently Florida needed rain more than we needed another day in the sun! We tried walking around the mall for awhile, but I just wasn't into it, as I didn't come to Florida to shop! (REALLY!) In the afternoon the downpour slowed to a drizzle and we drove to Siesta Key Beach a few miles away, which is a beautiful, HUGE, white sandy beach, and collected shells for our munchkins at home. It turned out to be a really fun afternoon, meandering along a nearly deserted beach enjoying each other's company.

The final morning we had to switch to going-home mode. I missed my children terribly by that point, but besides that, would've loved to have been able to stay awhile longer. It was actually a bit of an emotional day for me. I truly had enjoyed being alone with Matt without the distractions of life we experience at home. Part of me wanted to stay in that fantasy world and not come back to all my responsibilities waiting for me at home. As I took some time alone out on the balcony that morning, God reminded me of the LONG list of things I have to be thankful for--which is far too extensive to list here, but a few highlights:

I'm thankful for a husband who was willing to plan this trip for me and who'll spare no expense to please me!

I'm thankful for family and friends willing and able to care for our children so we could take time away to be alone.

I'm thankful that Matt and I sincerely ENJOY each other's company. I know this isn't something to be taken for granted in a marriage.

I'm thankful I have a home to go back to--even with all the responsibilites that come along with it.

I'm thankful to experience being away from my children long enough to miss them! :)

I'm thankful to enjoy a relationship with my Savior, who gives me strength for today and hope for tomorrow.

I'm thankful.

The Jesus Storybook Bible

2008-06-14T07:53:00.001-04:00

The Jesus Storybook Bible
Every story whispers his name
by Sally Lloyd-Jones

I first learned about this book on Danny's blog a couple weeks ago. Being a sucker for taking a recommendation from a pastor, I immediately got on Amazon and ordered it. It came several days ago and the kids and I have had a chance to read from it several times. At risk of looking like a sap, I'll admit that I've cried every time we've read from it. (The kids always look at me a little weird.) The author clearly has a gift for writing God's timeless truths in a fresh way. What I love, (and I realize is the whole point of the book), is how every story is loaded with JESUS. Even the Old Testament stories point us directly to God's original plan from the very beginning--our need for a Savior. Even if you don't have small children, I think its worth the ten bucks or so to have for just for yourself. I'll admit, I've already learned so much about relating the OT stories to Christ--stuff I had just never connected before.

I'm writing this because, if I had seen this book in a bookstore among a hundred other children's Bibles, I doubt it would've stuck out to me as anything out of the ordinary. (Not that I'm calling God's Word "ordinary", but you know what I mean.) And I hope it isn't too risky to recommend a book before I've read the whole thing. You see, we haven't exactly gotten past the Tower of Babel yet. Erin and Gabe keep requesting the same first few pages over and over again. They love it! I'm really excited that my kids are enjoying the Bible, but I'm really itching to read on!! Also, how awesome is it that I've "caught" Isaac reading from it on his own several times!! At his age, he refuses to be read to anymore, so its getting harder and harder to force any certain books on him. Praise God, He is voluntarily picking up God's Word to read it for himself!

Lessons from a Canine

2008-06-11T16:59:00.000-04:00

I'm a cat person. I grew up with cats and developed a fondness for them. I've always had a cat up until about 5 years ago when our last one decided she was going to poop on my carpet if I didn't let her sleep on my bed. That earned her a free one-way ticket to the Darke County Animal Shelter. I don't handle well pets using the floor of my home as their toilet. It must have left a bad taste in my mouth, (or smell in my nose), as we've never gotten another cat.

Don't ask me why but we now have a dog. It was not a premeditated purchase. I suppose you could call it a really pricey impulse buy. Back in August of last year, we went to the pet store in Richmond to kill a few minutes while we were waiting to see a movie. We never saw the movie. We came home instead with a 10-week-old Cocker Spaniel. She looked me in the eyes and she was so cute and sweet. At the risk of sounding sappy, she stole my heart. Of course, I'd heard people talking before that having a puppy was a lot like having an infant in the house. But come on, how hard could it possibly be?

One thing I forgot to think about--dogs are kind of.......dirty. You must understand, I really, really, REALLY enjoy having a clean house. And smell is crucial too--I love a fresh smelling house! Yes, I have three children and they throw a bit of a kink in that. But I've learned to deal with it, lowering my standards enough so as to not go CRAZY! Over the years I'm sure I've spent many hours on my hands and knees cleaning out of my carpet spilt juice, milk, marker, play dough, adhered-to-the-carpet-raisins found under the couch, and other interestingly gross things. Then there are the body fluids--you know, the ones that have, at one time or another, landed on all of our couches and carpets. For some reason, though, when it comes from your own flesh and blood child, it doesn't seem QUITE as gross--you clean it up, let it dry, and find yourself laying your head on that same spot the next day without much thought. You just sort of get used to their messes because you HAVE to. You know, we can't just take our kids to the pound.

But when your DOG poops all through the house, (like mine did this morning), leaving countless tiny piles of this nasty, soft, green stuff and dragging her feet through it to leave poopy footprints clear down the hallway, through the living room, and across the couch..............I feel like I've had about all I can take! She is not, may I remind you, my flesh and blood. She is not like one of my children, who shares my last name and is required to live with us. She is OPTIONAL. And the OPTION is SOOOOOOO tempting at times like these!!!

It had been just a couple of hours before that, during my quiet time, I was asking God to help me make improvements in certain areas, namely, controlling my reactions when "accidents" happen around the house. I admit, I had things like 'spilt milk' in mind. I sometimes react violently to things like that; it seems like one of those areas I can't quite get a grip on and feel like I'm setting a horrible example for my children. I want to learn to act like Christ would if a child had spilt milk at his kitchen table--with PATIENCE, KIND WORDS, and UNDERSTANDING. But there was no spilt milk today. Just the dog. And once again, I failed to act as I know Jesus would've if his dog had pooped on the rug. I yelled and ranted and whined and pouted as I scrubbed the mess. (One of those moments when my oldest child gathers the younger two together and encourages them to "stay out of Mom's way!")

Thankfully, somewhere in the midst of my tantrum, God was speaking to me, "This house isn't important. This carpet isn't important. It doesn't matter if your carpet isn't new and fresh anymore. It doesn't matter if your couch is stained and even stinks a little. Nor do the numerous marks and dings on the walls matter. Nor the Manwich stain on the kitchen ceiling from 1998 that your husband said he would fix. Nor the scratches all down both sides of the van. Nor the black streaks on the roof. Nor the holes in the kitchen linoleum." IT DOESN'T MATTER, KATI.

I don't know of anywhere in God's Word where it says we should take pride in our homes. Yes, I know its important to care for the material blessings God gives us, but are we to shine them, and stare at them, and forbid children to touch them, and TREASURE them? I know of only One who is worthy of being treasured. Lord, thank you for using something so silly as my dog to remind me of this.

I'm still going to strive to do better at reacting to these messes. Whether its the milk being spilled on my newly mopped floor, or the dog relieving herself where she's not supposed to, or whatever tomorrow may bring, I'll continue to trust that the Lord CAN and WILL teach me to behave more like Himself in these moments.

Oh, and one more thing--just for anyone who might happen to find themselves in this situation: Resist the temptation to strap your 3 yr old in his car seat naked, on your way home from the pool and having forgotten to bring dry clothes along, thinking you'll save the car seat from getting wet. Apparently the whole nakedness thing can throw your child off a bit and give him the idea that its okay to pee right then and there while strapped in the seat, spraying the back of the drivers seat, passenger's seat, your husband's Bible, your pool bag, the box of tissues you keep in the vehicle, and the CARPET!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH! Now I have a house that smells like dog and a van that smells like pee! (But it doesn't matter, Lord!)

Sorry for all the references to bodily waste in this post. As you all know, its just part of life. Granted, a much bigger part of life than we would choose for those of us with small children or dogs.

Grace and the Ice Cream Cone

2008-06-02T21:42:00.000-04:00

I suppose opportunities come along all the time to teach our children about God's amazing gift of GRACE. Only once in awhile do we actually recognize them.

Let me back up to supper time last evening. I had conjured up some sort of concoction involving pork, rice, tomatoes, and the kicker......ZUCCHINI. Although Erin tolerates a variety of vegetables, zucchini is definitely not on the list. Now, we have a rule around our house, and Matt and I are known to be pretty strict about it--if you don't finish your supper, you don't eat again until breakfast the next day. We try to avoid this as much as we can, as it usually means for an evening of "I'm Huuuuuungry". So, we encouraged her to eat. We pleaded with her to eat. We enthusiastically ate it ourselves and went back for seconds. Both Isaac and Gabe managed to finish theirs. But Erin picked around at hers, working hard, gagging, drinking lots of water to get most of it down. In the end, in the bottom of her bowl sat that little pile of rejected zucchini.

Later, I mentioned going to get some ice cream. I must have said it out loud before it occurred to me that Erin wouldn't be allowed any. But once the words are out, you can't take them back. The boys had already heard me, so there was no turning back. That's when I looked over at Erin and saw the disappointment all over her. She knew the rules.

Normally, I'd consider myself a tough-love, no-nonsense kind of mom. For some reason, last night was different. Maybe it was the way she was genuinely trying to hold back the tears, but failing. A parent can usually tell when a child is crying in order to be manipulative. This was clearly NOT one of those times. She was just plain heartbroken. Because when you're 5, missing out on ice cream can truly seem like the end of the world. I saw her pain, I understood, and I hurt with her. All of the sudden I found myself looking for excuses NOT to go.

Eventually the boys won out and we found ourselves on our way to Arcanum. The place we normally go was closed, so we sucked it up (literally, at $4 a gallon) and continued on to Greenville. The muffled sobs coming from the backseat the entire time made the trip seem a lot longer. Matt and I discussed, quietly, (in our special secret code we have to use with children present), how we were going to handle this. Now, don't get me wrong here. We weren't considering "giving in" to a whining child. She wasn't whining. She was just unable to hold back her very real emotions--emotions that spill out when you wish you'd done things differently, you can't change it no matter how much you want to now, and its time to accept the consequences. My heart was moved with compassion. One, because I've been there. Two, because I simply love her and wanted to take away her pain.

Erin didn't deserve ice cream. She didn't eat her supper, after all. That's the RULE. There have been plenty of times before when we've stuck to our guns and carried out the punishment as planned, with a child in the backseat crying for ice cream. But this time God nudged me. He let me know that this was a good time to teach my daughter about GRACE. I shared with Matt what I was feeling and he understood. As he got out of the van and went to the window to place our order, I gave Erin a quick-course on grace: We sin. We deserve death. Jesus took our punishment for us. God gives us LIFE instead of what we deserve. GRACE. (All of this, of course, in 5-yr-old style.)

Matt got back in the van and handed Erin an ice cream cone. Undeserved, thus truly appreciated. The smile and simple "Thank you!" she gave her daddy was priceless. She didn't even complain about being given plain vanilla, when everyone else got their choice of flavor. (Whew! I was praying she wouldn't whine and make us regret our decision.) She seemed to get the point and ate her ice cream happily and thankfully.

This is storybook parenting here. It doesn't go down like this very often--where you try to teach your child something and they actually cooperate with a right attitude. Though I don't know if she consciously put two and two together--that our little spiritual talk had something to do with her ending up with an ice cream cone. I guess its God's job to "put it together" inside her spirit, and I trust He'll give her the understanding in time.

Lastly, I must say that, while I think it is so important to show our kids grace at times, we also must be careful not to overuse this approach. MOST of the time, we should stick to the rules and let our children experience natural consequences of their actions. In instances involving outright disobedience or disrespect, I believe its always appropriate to discipline carefully. This was less crucial of an issue--merely childish dislike of a certain food, and we felt it was an appropriate time to demonstrate grace. God, give us the wisdom to know the difference in these times.

Whatever It Takes

2008-05-24T13:26:00.000-04:00

This will be a bit different than any of my previous posts. I've hesitated to write about "household" issues, just because it seems it would be a bit boring coming from me. I'm not full of wit nor do I find it very easy to write things in a new or clever way. But some things speak for themselves............

Recently we've started noticing "new" odors coming from our oldest child. Yes, you guessed it--Body Odor--the kind coming from the armpit area. It appears our little boy is growing up in more ways than one! With much reluctance, I've accepted this new step and purchased him his own stick of deodorant. Now comes the hard part--getting him to remember to actually put the stuff on everyday!! So far, he hasn't YET remembered to put it on in the morning. First we tried explaining to him the importance of smelling fresh. Then we tried scaring him by telling him he won't have any friends because no one will want to be around him. None of this has seemed to phase him. Finally, I just put down a good old-fashioned THREAT. I told him this morning, (as I recall my exact words), "Do WHATEVER you have to, Isaac, to remember to put that stuff on every morning." Then I proceeded to lay out a few potential courses of punishment in the event that he STILL can't remember. (Hey, desperate times......)

I've gotta hand it to the poor little guy--he's trying. I couldn't resist but to take a picture of the "solution" he came up with today--his stick of Arm&Hammer deodorant hanging from duct tape which is firmly secured to the ceiling above his top bunk. Hopefully this will help him remember, though I'm curious as to HOW he's planning on putting it on--whether he's going to unwrap the whole stick from the duct tape every time, or whether he's going to actually just stick his armpit up there and rub it on while its hanging in mid-air!

Childlike Faith Comes to an End at............9?

2008-05-15T14:57:00.000-04:00

I was hoping we wouldn't ever have to visit this place. Today my 9 yr old son uttered words that absolutely GRIEVED my heart. "But Mom, how do I know the Bible's true? How do we know those bunch of guys didn't just get together and make it up?" And later, upon my asking him if he really loved Jesus and wanted to please Him, "Well, I don't really know. It just doesn't seem like very much.....fun".

In trying to do everything I can to train him up in the Lord, I recently added a Bible curriculum to his schoolwork "load". He is less than impressed, to say the least. For him it's just MORE WORK. I have sat down with him numerous times and tried to tell him my HEART on this; that Mom is not doing this just to make him miserable, or just to add to his workload and make it take longer. But that the FIRST, the ONLY, desire of my heart for him is to learn to love the Lord. I've explained to him that his other subjects, when it comes right down to it, aren't that important, because they're not ETERNAL. But learning the Bible, God's Word revealed to us, is the only thing that's going to prepare him for eternity. So, of course, his response then is, "Then why do I have to do schoolwork if it won't matter in heaven?" I knew that was coming. "Well, because you have to learn things to survive on this earth in order to serve God the way He wants you to HERE. And oh yeah, you'll need to be able to support your wife and children someday." It doesn't take him long, "But nobody's going to ask me to divide words into syllables before they give me a job!" Though I didn't admit it to him, he makes a good point and I'm just as confused as he is.

Can anyone tell me what happened to my LITTLE BOY???? It looks to me as if the era of "childlike faith" is giving way to the age of accountability. I am fighting FEAR here. Fear that I'm falling short. Fear that I'm not praying hard enough. Fear that the Holy Spirit isn't powerful enough to save him from the lures of this world. God forgive me!!

I've recently reached the point in my prayers for my children that I truly pray first and foremost for their salvation. Health, safety, protection from painful circumstances, happy future marriages, clear direction for their vocations: these things I still hope for my children. But I truly, TRULY desire only that God use WHATEVER He has to in order to bring them to saving faith in Him. If we must go through years of rebellion to get there, so be it. (and God HELP us!!) As long as the END is a good one, that's all that matters, right?

...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

I'm counting on it.

Comments on Modesty

2008-05-08T13:16:00.000-04:00

I had been thinking recently about posting on modesty anyways, then today I visited our church's blog, where our pastor had posted a link to an article on modesty by C.J. Mahaney. This blog gives excerpts from a his yet-to-be-released book, Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World. Wow!! Really good article--take the time to read at: http://sovgracemin.org/Blog/post/Worldliness-Resisting-the-Seduction-of-a-Fallen-World-CJ-Mahaney.aspx I was aching to leave a comment right there on the church blog that people (especially women) should read the WHOLE article, and not just the section on fathers teaching their daughters modesty, as was suggested. But I realized I had way too much to say than could be left in a comment.

Modesty has always been a huge issue for me. There is NO self-righteousness in saying that. By "issue", I mean I've struggled with it A LOT over the years. As with everything else, it seems another example of the battle between the flesh and the Spirit. When I read the above article, (and I'm not exaggerating here) my heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my whole body. This shows how much I've wrestled with the issue. Through the years I've read books on modesty, and prayed much that God would give me the right heart when I dress (and when I shop). I have seriously considered many times setting up "restrictions" for myself regarding my dress. (Such as choosing to wear ONLY skirts or dresses). However, my desire is not to resort to any form of legalism in order to "protect myself" from sin. I am aware that sin begins in the HEART, and what a person wears may or may not reflect what is in the heart. So, I guess I've concluded that protecting myself by setting up rules wouldn't do a thing to guard my heart. It must be an intentional decision, DAILY, to honor God, and to help protect my brothers from sin when I choose my dress.

Without any system of "rules", though, it presents a problem whenever preparing to go outside the house. Modesty is quite relative. How short is too short? How tight is too tight? And so on. I've struggled in particular with whether or not its appropriate to wear pants at all. I don't care for the way I look in "baggy" pants. Therefore, the only other option is pants that form closely to the body. Because of this, I've resolved so many times that only dresses or skirts would be appropriate for me to wear outside the house. Usually I stick with my "resolution" for a day or two. Then I rationalize that its too legalistic, too impractical (I'd have to buy many new clothes and we can't afford it), or I see other women (whom I respect and consider godly) wearing pants, so I reason, "What's the big deal?", I give up my resolve, and you'll see me walking around in jeans again. So, what do you think?

Here's another aspect: How do you, with grace, approach a sister who is dressing immodestly? In the article, Mahaney warns us to "be on guard against the temptation to be self-righteous toward those who choose differently". (He is specifically talking about wedding attire in this instance, but I think it applies to dress in general.) While I consider this good advice, isn't it our responsibility to encourage an immodestly dressed sister to consider how her dress is affecting the man sitting behind her in church? Once again, I remind you that I'm not speaking as if I'm the perfect example of modesty. I still struggle. Tell me what's appropriate. And PLEASE love me enough to gently point me to Christ if you ever see me dressing to please men and not our Lord.

I would appreciate comments on this one. This is a huge issue for us as sisters in Christ and I think we need to talk more about it.

The Cross

2008-05-08T07:22:00.000-04:00

It seems the only time I muster up the energy to write on this blog is when I'm feeling a bit emotional. I truly pray that my faith would never consist merely of empty emotion. But these times when I am gripped by emotion are the times when I seem to get just a glimpse of the magnitude of who Christ is and what He's done.

In these final weeks of studying the Gospel of Matthew in BSF, and looking in depth at the suffering of Christ in the last hours of His earthly life, I am struck. I hesitate to even write about it on this blog, because I know I can't begin to get it into words for anyone else to understand. Yet, if you've been to "this place" before, then I guess you already understand.

I have written in earlier posts of my struggle to "accept" my sinfulness. I GRIEVE (sometimes, I think, more than a "healthy" grieving) over my sin, because I SO BADLY want to be like Jesus. In anger, I've accused Him at times of not really understanding what it's like to have to live in a "fallen" body. While it is true that Christ lived on this earth without experiencing what it was like to sin, he certainly "experienced sin". God was somehow able to transfer all the guilt and shame of my sin onto Christ as He experienced the Cross. In my feeble little mind I know I don't begin to appreciate this as I should. But in studying the Cross, God has given me moments--glimpses--when I seem to "get it".

As I try to get a grip on the magnitude of what Christ experienced--the pain of the shame and the separation from His Father, I am simply.............GRATEFUL. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Cor. 5:21 My sin on Him, His righteousness on me. It wasn't fair, God. It isn't fair. Thank you.

It's only at the foot of the Cross that I can even begin to understand the magnitude of this Sacrifice. I pray that He would draw me to my knees--to THIS place--every day, and give me more love for my Savior.

Passing It On

2008-04-30T13:16:00.001-04:00

I cannot NOT pass this on. Thanks to the friend who let me know about this blog. I have been reading little by little the last couple of days and have given in more than once to almost uncontrollable sobbing. There isn't anything on earth much more meaningful than seeing people respond to immense pain with HOPE in the Lord. This is what life's all about. You will need a large chunk of time (be sure to start from the beginning) and a large box of tissues.
http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com

Chase What Matters

2008-04-24T11:01:00.000-04:00

Yes, call me crazy--Two posts in one day!! I can't let this one go any longer. For weeks now, I've been driving through Philipsburg and the sign for the Chase Bank branch just eats away at me. "CHASE WHAT MATTERS IN YOUR LIFE." Should I expect anything different from the world? I doubt the person who came up with that slogan had on his/her mind spiritual things. It just bugs the tar out of me that the bank would try to imply that "what matters" in my life can be found by coming in and taking advantage of their newest refinance offer. The thing is--sometimes I'm tempted. Just the other day Matt and I were discussing how a $50,000 check falling from the sky would make our lives a whole lot easier. Granted, we both threw in there a "spiritual" comment to make it sound like we were kidding. But deep down, I think our flesh really does think it would make life better. My Spirit, on the other hand, knows exactly what MATTERS, and regardless of how hard I look, it won't be found inside a bank.

I press on (chase) toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:14

The War

2008-04-24T07:42:00.000-04:00

"I start the day, the war begins," a popular song says, reminding me of my predicament. The Apostle Paul, inspired by God Himself, describes it perfectly, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing". Romans 7:19 If ever I had a question, THIS IS THE QUESTION!!! WHY, Lord, oh why must I endure this battle every day?

Ever since I made the decision to follow Christ when I was 14, this battle has been present. Only in the last two years of my life it seems it has turned into an all out WAR!! How is it possible that, one moment, I can proclaim with everything in me that I WILL FOLLOW CHRIST, and in the very next moment I can feel consumed by fleshly desires/thoughts/feelings? One example is in my prayer life. This happens to me quite often, I am in (seemingly) earnest prayer, asking that God's will be done in a certain situation, and AT THE VERY SAME TIME, the thought runs through my head, "Maybe if I pray for God's will, He'll be pleased with me and let me have what I REALLY want!!!!! HA! That is absolutely my flesh talking! And even though I KNOW that's my flesh, and I KNOW I don't want to follow my flesh, why do I think that's what I REALLY want? My Spirit knows what I REALLY want is God's will. Nevertheless, these thoughts run through my head and make me despise myself. I think, "If you truly love Christ, Kati, how could you even think such a thing!!??" (And yes, I know that fleeting thoughts aren't necessarily sin, it's the intentional decision to DWELL on those thoughts that becomes sin. Still.)

I often wonder and ask God why He couldn't have set things up differently. After all, I know better than He, right? (grin) Why is it that He couldn't have set up some system that protected us from bad thoughts once we made the decision to follow Him? Silly thing is, I ask these questions and I already know the answers. Christ Himself surely wasn't protected from temptation. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Hebrews 4:15 And I have even been known to argue with God and say, "But you really DON'T understand, because Christ was PERFECT. Human, yes, but still fully God and didn't really have the ability/capacity to sin. Jesus Christ in His life on earth wasn't like me, who has the DESIRE to be holy, yet CAN'T, no matter how hard I try, live it out. No, I don't understand it fully. Just read the verse again, Kati, and TRUST.

Why must we endure this battle? Can't we just skip this life and go straight to HOLY? For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. Hebrews 10:14 What's up with describing us as "perfected" and "being sanctified" in the same sentence? Christ has already done the work and made us perfect. Gish, I really don't FEEL perfect!! For some reason known only to the Father, He purposes us to live out this life and go through the grueling sanctification process. So we're, in a sense, "becoming what we are". (Piper's words, not mine.) Figure that one out!!!!!! Can't we just skip straight to perfection, Lord? Please? Apparently there's value enough in the process itself that makes God say, "Yes, this is worth it. You MUST go through this."

When I screw up, ex. screaming at my kids, disrespecting my husband, etc., I recognize it pretty quickly as clear-cut SIN. This grieves my heart, and for some reason makes me want to beat myself up. (I've actually physically hit myself at times. You don't have to tell me how stupid that is!) A trusted friend recently told me I need to lighten up on myself. So, where's the balance between grieving over my sin and just accepting Christ's forgiveness and "letting it go"? I know Christ paid the price for my sin and I'm forgiven, that's not the problem. But why has He given me this desire to be holy that I can't reach? It is frustrating that I am not who I want to be, YET. But God's already given us the answer as to why it has to be this way, so I don't know why I keep asking. As I must, for now, live with the frustration, I will continue to need the encouragement from my brothers and sisters until the day I get to go HOME and can experience, at last, PERFECTION, in every sense of the word. And may God give me the grace to be an encouragement for them as they fight the same battle.

The answers to my questions are always found in His Word. I am SO THANKFUL for His Word. Yet, You are so mysterious, God. Thank you for the grace to trust You even when I don't understand.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?
Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.

What to write, what to write..........................

2008-04-11T07:39:00.000-04:00

I have no idea what to write here. I like the idea of blogging.........kind of. I love to write my thoughts. And trust me, I have plenty of them. I've had this account open for several months and have thrown around the idea of writing anything on here, but I've put it off, going back and forth several times about whether or not I want to make my thoughts "public". And the truth is, only a small fraction of my thoughts would I feel comfortable making public. I struggle with pride. Surprise! So that presents a problem when writing in a public venue. I don't want to ever write anything with the intention of trying to sound impressive. So I hesistate to write anything at all because even admitting that publicly could turn into some twisted form of pride, like, "Maybe if I admit I struggle with pride everyone will think I'm so humble!" HA! I can't get around it anyway I try!

And that brings me to the next problem with this whole idea of blogging: I get a bit obsessive about grammar and spelling when I know others will be reading what I write. When I leave a comment on a blog, or when I email someone, it takes me FOREVER. Just a two-sentence email will take me sometimes 10 minutes to write, edit, erase, re-write, etc. What is with this paranoia that someone will find a spelling error on something I write? Am I terrified that they will think me less of a person? (Which I don't think less of someone just because they make a grammatical error. I happen to be MARRIED to one of the world's WORST spellers, and I love him dearly!!) So why do I obsess??? And even more than obsessing about grammar/spelling, I worry about, "What if people think I'm stupid for thinking/writing this? What if they think my thoughts are immature or stupid and therefore think less of me as a person? Come on, Kati! (You'll notice I talk to myself a lot!) Why do you care so much about what people think of you? If you have something to say, just say it! If you lived for what people thought of you, you'd have reason enough already to commit suicide. (No joke) I must learn ALWAYS to live only for what my Lord thinks of me.

Anyways, I don't know if I'll be writing on this blog much or at all. For some reason, today I had an urge to put down some thoughts. If ever I write anything else, I must first examine my heart to make sure that anything I write on here would be done with pure intention, NEVER to lift up myself, ONLY to lift up my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. (It is hard sometimes for me to believe that ANYTHING we do as humans can be done with 100% pure intention.) Nevertheless, I pray that everything I do or say would be all to His glory.