Are you wondering why life is unfulfilling? If you are trying everything you can think of to satisfy the longings inside yourself, I urge you to step inside His Word, for there, only there, will you find what your soul is longing for. The Lord has given us His Word as a gift; the revelation of Himself to us. If you do not open it and look for Him, you can not find Him, and your soul will be left hopelessly wanting.


O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:1-8

Just pretend with me...

It's your 15th wedding anniversary and your husband comes home and tells you to come outside with him and look in the driveway. Oh, you're in suspense now, aren't you?

So you walk outside with him and he directs you to the back of his truck where there sits a very large box. It is a huge piece of exercise equipment.

Should you assume he's trying to tell you something?

Or should you assume he's the sweetest husband on earth?

I choose the latter. :)

My Provider

We've had countless discussions with friends over the years regarding the toughness of maintaining financial stability, especially in a one-income household. In these questionable economic times, while some of our lives are being affected more than others, it is a question we all must ask; do we really trust in God to provide?

I think sometimes I get confused as to what His provision looks like. I often think "provision" means God providing enough money to keep us "afloat" enough to maintain our current lifestyle. Could it be possible that He may call us to live a simpler lifestyle? What if sometime in the future my vehicle dies, there is no money to repair it, and I am forced to stay home all day every day, while my husband takes our only vehicle to work? This would be a MAJOR life change for me, as I enjoy having the freedom to go places during the day. If this freedom were lost, would I still consider God to be my Provider?

What if times became so tough that we were forced to give up certain things we have come to know as "needs", such as the Internet, cell-phone service, etc. Would God still be my Provider? What if we couldn't even pay the electric bill, or the mortgage? What if, in fact, Matt were to lose his job, was unable to find work, unemployment ran out, and we were forced to turn our home over to the bank and move in with family? Would God still be my Provider? What if family was unable to take us in and we had to move into a shelter? Would God still be my Provider?

What if my husband, children, and I were starving? Literally. I know this is extreme, and we are prone to think that would never happen to us, but does God promise to protect us from these things? What about the believing mother in Africa who prays to the Living God for food for her child and proceeds to watch him starve to death? It is REAL. It happens. If it were me, would I still call God my Provider? Would I still praise Him for his goodness? Would the promise alone of eternity in His presence be enough?

By wondering these things, let me make it clear that I'm not asking for a test. :) I just wonder how deep my faith really runs. Do I find it so easy to praise Him only because life is relatively easy right now? For I have never even begun to experience life without basic needs. Whatever happens, only through the grace of God will my prayer remain...

(If) the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
(If) the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
(If) there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18

Letting go

As Isaac has been away at camp this week for the first time, I am working on a new level of letting go. I thought it was a big deal, about 3 years ago, when I let him get out of the van, walk up the stairs to the second story of a building, and go into his piano lesson all by himself. I thought letting him out of my sight was going to kill me, and I prayed like mad that the Lord would protect him. I think he was 7 at the time, and it seems ridiculous now, but it has all been part of the process. I went through the same thing the first time we let him ride his bike on the street by himself; the first time he went across town to the park by himself (we're talking Gordon, here, folks); and the first time he stayed home by himself. Being home schoolers, we haven't had a whole lot of practice being apart, so it seems extra-strange to let him out of my sight for any length of time.

And yet...

I know we MUST go through this. A week away at camp is probably necessary as much for me as it is for him. I am not raising him, after all, to be by my side the rest of his life. I am raising him to let go of him. (That was hard to write.) I am raising him to be independent of me. I am raising him with the knowledge that the Lord is his Protector, not me. If I have ever had the presumption that I can do anything to protect him, it has always been a false sense of control on my part. The Lord is the One in control whether I'm around or not.

This has been the first time EVER, I have gone three full days without seeing or speaking to my son, and I have two days to go. I can not help but think of the things possibly to come: longer trips away with youth group, missions trips, etc., dropping him off at college, watching him drive away with his new wife after the wedding...Okay I'm not ready for that yet! But I guess I don't have to be--He's only 10!!

Lord, I trust You. Help me to trust You completely with the life of my son.

Show him your ways, O Lord,
teach him your paths;
guide him in your truth and teach him,
for you are God his Savior,
and his hope is in you all day long. Ps 25:4,5

I Give Up

To some of you the following prayer, first written by Betty Stam, will be familiar. Oh, how I want this to be the sincere prayer of my heart in every moment. To me, praying this prayer is like the singing of the old hymn, I Surrender All; even as the words come across my lips, though I want to, I know I'm not there yet. I must remind myself daily, minute by minute, Who I'm living for...because I keep forgetting. Right at this moment, this may be the prayer of my heart, and five minutes from now I will catch myself trying to take back control and will need to release it to Him again.

I'm so thankful the Lord is patient.



Lord, I give up all my own purposes and plans,
all my own desires and hopes and ambitions,
and accept Thy will for my life.

I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee,
to be Thine forever.

I hand over to Thy keeping all my friendships,
all the people whom I love are to take second place in my heart.

Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.
Work out Thy whole will in my life,
at any cost, now and forever.

To me, to live is Christ.

He's got a point.

Me: "Put the tape measure away."

Gabe: (of course) "Why?"

Me: "Because it has sharp edges and you could get cut. It's dangerous."

Gabe: "But I wanna get to Heaven faster."

Sanctification on the Bleachers

This weekend was Isaac's first All-Star baseball Tournament of the year. We're in for a long summer.

I'm not sure if there exists a place where parents get more passionate about their kids than on the bleachers. The woman sitting behind me during our last game was particularly spirited. Or just plain obnoxious. She made it a point to loudly announce every error to the whole crowd and yell and scream as to what the player should have done differently. And apparently the using of God's name in vain about a dozen different times was supposed to encourage our boys to make smarter plays. I was just a bit angry.

Then she crossed the line.

Isaac made a bad decision on a play from 3rd and this woman decided she needed to let him know she noticed (and anyone else within a mile or so radius). Have I told you about Mother Bear? Because Mother Bear was just about to make an appearance. This woman was within smacking distance, you know. And OH, how I wanted to. I felt myself begin to go into out-of-body-mother-bear-mode, when I looked down and felt my friend, who was quietly sitting down on the bench in front of me, gently stroking my ankle, as if to say, "I know, Kati. It's okay. Let it go. It's not worth it." And somehow, the peace of God shut my mouth, and prevented me from venting the way my flesh really wanted to. I can not even tell you how close I came to making a scene. We are talking about my boy here, after all.

We ended up losing the game, placing a trophy-less 4th in the tournament. My easy-going son went to bed this evening with smile on his face, not bothered at all by the outcome. I'm sure not all the boys on the team went to bed so peacefully, as some are being taught by their parents that winning a baseball game is right up there with life and death.

It is frustrating to be surrounded by this. Yet, how would the Christian be sanctified if we were surrounded by perfect people? God kept my mouth shut this time. And my hands firmly folded (clenched) in my lap.Perhaps next time it will even extend into my heart, where my thoughts toward such belligerence will be more Christ-honoring.

We have only just begun. Our next month is absolutely jam packed with more regular season games and at least three more weekend tournaments. Much more opportunity to practice self-control as I am surrounded by others who seem to have none.

Lord, help!