Letting go

As Isaac has been away at camp this week for the first time, I am working on a new level of letting go. I thought it was a big deal, about 3 years ago, when I let him get out of the van, walk up the stairs to the second story of a building, and go into his piano lesson all by himself. I thought letting him out of my sight was going to kill me, and I prayed like mad that the Lord would protect him. I think he was 7 at the time, and it seems ridiculous now, but it has all been part of the process. I went through the same thing the first time we let him ride his bike on the street by himself; the first time he went across town to the park by himself (we're talking Gordon, here, folks); and the first time he stayed home by himself. Being home schoolers, we haven't had a whole lot of practice being apart, so it seems extra-strange to let him out of my sight for any length of time.

And yet...

I know we MUST go through this. A week away at camp is probably necessary as much for me as it is for him. I am not raising him, after all, to be by my side the rest of his life. I am raising him to let go of him. (That was hard to write.) I am raising him to be independent of me. I am raising him with the knowledge that the Lord is his Protector, not me. If I have ever had the presumption that I can do anything to protect him, it has always been a false sense of control on my part. The Lord is the One in control whether I'm around or not.

This has been the first time EVER, I have gone three full days without seeing or speaking to my son, and I have two days to go. I can not help but think of the things possibly to come: longer trips away with youth group, missions trips, etc., dropping him off at college, watching him drive away with his new wife after the wedding...Okay I'm not ready for that yet! But I guess I don't have to be--He's only 10!!

Lord, I trust You. Help me to trust You completely with the life of my son.

Show him your ways, O Lord,
teach him your paths;
guide him in your truth and teach him,
for you are God his Savior,
and his hope is in you all day long. Ps 25:4,5

I Give Up

To some of you the following prayer, first written by Betty Stam, will be familiar. Oh, how I want this to be the sincere prayer of my heart in every moment. To me, praying this prayer is like the singing of the old hymn, I Surrender All; even as the words come across my lips, though I want to, I know I'm not there yet. I must remind myself daily, minute by minute, Who I'm living for...because I keep forgetting. Right at this moment, this may be the prayer of my heart, and five minutes from now I will catch myself trying to take back control and will need to release it to Him again.

I'm so thankful the Lord is patient.



Lord, I give up all my own purposes and plans,
all my own desires and hopes and ambitions,
and accept Thy will for my life.

I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee,
to be Thine forever.

I hand over to Thy keeping all my friendships,
all the people whom I love are to take second place in my heart.

Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.
Work out Thy whole will in my life,
at any cost, now and forever.

To me, to live is Christ.

He's got a point.

Me: "Put the tape measure away."

Gabe: (of course) "Why?"

Me: "Because it has sharp edges and you could get cut. It's dangerous."

Gabe: "But I wanna get to Heaven faster."