As Isaac has been away at camp this week for the first time, I am working on a new level of letting go. I thought it was a big deal, about 3 years ago, when I let him get out of the van, walk up the stairs to the second story of a building, and go into his piano lesson all by himself. I thought letting him out of my sight was going to kill me, and I prayed like mad that the Lord would protect him. I think he was 7 at the time, and it seems ridiculous now, but it has all been part of the process. I went through the same thing the first time we let him ride his bike on the street by himself; the first time he went across town to the park by himself (we're talking Gordon, here, folks); and the first time he stayed home by himself. Being home schoolers, we haven't had a whole lot of practice being apart, so it seems extra-strange to let him out of my sight for any length of time.
And yet...
I know we MUST go through this. A week away at camp is probably necessary as much for me as it is for him. I am not raising him, after all, to be by my side the rest of his life. I am raising him to let go of him. (That was hard to write.) I am raising him to be independent of me. I am raising him with the knowledge that the Lord is his Protector, not me. If I have ever had the presumption that I can do anything to protect him, it has always been a false sense of control on my part. The Lord is the One in control whether I'm around or not.
This has been the first time EVER, I have gone three full days without seeing or speaking to my son, and I have two days to go. I can not help but think of the things possibly to come: longer trips away with youth group, missions trips, etc., dropping him off at college, watching him drive away with his new wife after the wedding...Okay I'm not ready for that yet! But I guess I don't have to be--He's only 10!!
Lord, I trust You. Help me to trust You completely with the life of my son.
Show him your ways, O Lord,
teach him your paths;
guide him in your truth and teach him,
for you are God his Savior,
and his hope is in you all day long. Ps 25:4,5
7 comments:
;] been there, still there!
It has gotten easier for me,
and if they keep fighting with each other like they have all summer, they might be moving out the day they turn 18, JK! LOL!
oh yes! letting go is SUCH a process, and i'm so glad we don't have to do it all at once!
wait until he starts driving...and that first trip without a parent. (i don't think i stopped praying for a MOMENT until each one of my kids - on their individual excursions - got back home!)
baby steps, dear. baby steps.
I COMPLETELY understand. That parent manual we received when they were born said NOTHING about how hard letting go really is!! Well if we had received a parent manual with them anyway - it can't possibly have warned us of the heart issues that letting go causes! It will be really neat to hear his stories of camp, and he will have fun telling them. Only 2 more days, you can do it!!!
How was Isaac's week at camp???
Thanks for asking. He had an awesome time! We literally could not shut him up the entire drive home Friday night--which is unusual for Isaac. He went on and on about the waterslide, the "sword game" they played during free time each day, how awesome it was to have dessert after every meal, and the candy store. Needless to say, I was hoping he'd treasure the "spiritual moments" more. But I'm sure they're in there somewhere, he's just not very vocal about it.
He LOVED his time of relative independence probably a little too much, and he's had a difficult re-entry into real life, as once again, mom and dad are in charge, there are chores to do, and there is NOT dessert with every meal. :)
One thing I really appreciated hearing was that on the last day he and his cabinmates were forced into clean-up duty in the dining hall after their cabin placed dead last in inspection. Love it! :)
I can relate and I never homeschooled my child. I called Grant on Tuesday at Band Camp this week and he still has not called me back. I am hoping that he doesn't have cell reception in the hills vs. just ignoring me. :)I have a better appreciation of how my mom felt when I moved into the dorms my first year of college and then when I moved across the US. Good to see you survived!
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