I have no idea what to write here. I like the idea of blogging.........kind of. I love to write my thoughts. And trust me, I have plenty of them. I've had this account open for several months and have thrown around the idea of writing anything on here, but I've put it off, going back and forth several times about whether or not I want to make my thoughts "public". And the truth is, only a small fraction of my thoughts would I feel comfortable making public. I struggle with pride. Surprise! So that presents a problem when writing in a public venue. I don't want to ever write anything with the intention of trying to sound impressive. So I hesistate to write anything at all because even admitting that publicly could turn into some twisted form of pride, like, "Maybe if I admit I struggle with pride everyone will think I'm so humble!" HA! I can't get around it anyway I try!
And that brings me to the next problem with this whole idea of blogging: I get a bit obsessive about grammar and spelling when I know others will be reading what I write. When I leave a comment on a blog, or when I email someone, it takes me FOREVER. Just a two-sentence email will take me sometimes 10 minutes to write, edit, erase, re-write, etc. What is with this paranoia that someone will find a spelling error on something I write? Am I terrified that they will think me less of a person? (Which I don't think less of someone just because they make a grammatical error. I happen to be MARRIED to one of the world's WORST spellers, and I love him dearly!!) So why do I obsess??? And even more than obsessing about grammar/spelling, I worry about, "What if people think I'm stupid for thinking/writing this? What if they think my thoughts are immature or stupid and therefore think less of me as a person? Come on, Kati! (You'll notice I talk to myself a lot!) Why do you care so much about what people think of you? If you have something to say, just say it! If you lived for what people thought of you, you'd have reason enough already to commit suicide. (No joke) I must learn ALWAYS to live only for what my Lord thinks of me.
Anyways, I don't know if I'll be writing on this blog much or at all. For some reason, today I had an urge to put down some thoughts. If ever I write anything else, I must first examine my heart to make sure that anything I write on here would be done with pure intention, NEVER to lift up myself, ONLY to lift up my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. (It is hard sometimes for me to believe that ANYTHING we do as humans can be done with 100% pure intention.) Nevertheless, I pray that everything I do or say would be all to His glory.
6 comments:
AMEN! AMEN! You have just described me! And thats the reason you won't find my blog. Amen. By the way- I would like it if you decided to write again! Love you sister!
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want . . . Wretched man (woman!) that I am! Who will set me free from this body of death?
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand, I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. - Romans 7:18,19,24,25
All I have to say is that after identifying completely with Romans 7, I am indescribably grateful for Romans 8. It's a lifelong struggle, and of course, not just to be found in blogging.
Thanks for sharing your heart, Kati. Now that I know you have a blog, you'll have to do some more posting unless you want me to memorize this one! ;)
Thanks for your comments, girls. I am feeling the desire/pressure? to write more, but I'll think on it awhile first. Interesting you'd bring up Romans 7 and 8, Charity. These 2 chapters in God's Word He used to change the course of my life!! The battle between the flesh and the Spirit is, for sure, a good topic for writing. Let me sit on it......................
Hey Kati-girl, I pray that the Holy Spirit moves you to blog more of what I know is in that mind of yours! Yes, there are challenges with sharing your thoughts on a public forum, because once you hit submit, it's done! But isn't that how it is with our talking also? Which is why we need to always be in prayer that what we say is seasoned with salt. The positive thing is the encouragement I have received from so many people, even complete strangers!
And so, I encourage you because you have been such a blessing to me!
You have a blog! I think the first steps in eradicating pride is to desire to be humble and recognize pride when we see it in our lives. I had to leave pride far behind when it comes to grammar and spelling. :) Thank goodness for the spell checker, or you all would have a good laugh at my spelling. I'm one of the worlds worst. There are times the spell checker doesn't even know what I'm trying to spell. Now if I just find some kind of grammar check.
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